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Breaking News, Broken News, and Perfectly Fine News

  • Alex Bradford Cobb

Farti Gras Slowly Approaching in Large, Green Cloud



NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA — You’ve heard of Mardis Gras, and you’ve heard of Cardi Gras, but have you heard of Farti Gras? Not all of them make a sound, but even if you haven’t heard Farti Gras, you’ve likely smelled it!


This Farti Gras, a perfect storm of Westerly Winds, a Dank Humidity, and a large Chili Cook-off have all joined forces to blow last year’s Farti Gras clear out of the murky water! You’ll have a blast, a blart, and an explosively good time navigating the Hydrogen Sulfide and Methane Mixture that’s taken all our hearts, minds, and noses, and refuses to leave, no matter how many matches we light! (Careful, too—things might get even more explosive if you’re too liberal with the flames!)


If you missed last year’s Farti Gras, don’t make a stink! There’s plenty of yucks to be had. Take your heinie on down to NOLA and party your colon out! Just don’t push yourself too hard—we don’t want to be celebrating Sharti Gras.



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