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How To Host The Perfect Halloween Party Even Your Grandfather with Dementia Won’t Forget

Read on to learn how to throw one HALL(oween) of a HALLOWEEN PARTY that even your GRANDDAD WITH ALZHEIMERS won't be ABLE to forget!

Serve realistic severed-finger hors d’oeuvres.

These should look so realistic that your guests, horrified, scream and ask if they’re real. Then you say, “No, of course not,” and claim they’re disgusting for even thinking such a thing because of course they’re not real, you’re just serving your guests realistic imitations of severed fingers, which is totally not gross. The harder you lean into this, the more likely your guests will be to develop PTSD, which isn’t easy to shake. AKA your party stays in their memories (and subconscious) forever.

Set the party up exactly like one of your granddad’s memories from when he was a wee lad.

Remove all electronics and the like from the house, and I don’t know, whatever other things they didn’t have, like bread or insulation. Then he will have to remember it because it was, frame-by-frame, an exact reenactment of one of his childhood memories. **Bonus points if it is a Halloween memory.**

If one “forgives and forgets;” give rise to grudges so they’ll remember (your epic party).

Like graverobbers dig up cadavers, dig up the most ghastly secrets and transgressions of times gone by between your guests. OR embark on a DIY Grudge quest. Why stop at The Grudge when you can have a lot of grudges? Insult the partygoers in ways that even God couldn’t forgive. Fill the jack-o-lantern piñata and They will never forget the evening.

Kill someone. (Not Grandpa)

Now that’s spooky! Plus, the party will go down in history as it will be documented in police records.

Decorate with so many candles that the house catches on fire.

Now that’s smoky! Rig up special sound effects so that the house screeches, “I’m melting!!!” as it goes. It’s no 9/11, but, in theory, people will never forget.

Successfully craft one single item from your Halloween Pinterest board.

Legends of the creation will live on in glory. Finally, an opportunity to non-sarcastically declare, “nailed it.” Do not lose this in the fire.

Follow all of these tips and you’ll be sure to host one doozy of a spookzy do-wop-bop! We look forward to hearing about it on the news.


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