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Breaking News, Broken News, and Perfectly Fine News

  • Melanie Lech

In Memoriam: What Neville Longbottom's Forgotten

This Memorial Day, we reflect on the ugly truth revealed by Neville's remembrall in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. It's been 32 years, and he still can't remember what he's forgotten.

"The only problem is, I can't remember what I've forgotten!"

-N. Longbottom

A 10,000 galleon reward has been offered to anyone who has information on the case, which may well double to explain the longitudinal mutation of his buttocks.

"I can never use one of those circle toilets like my friends, just ovals."

Remembralls are magical, translucent orbs filled with clouds that turn crimson in the event something has slipped the holder's memory.

"Every Memorial Day, all I see is red."

A warrant is still out for Gran Longbottom's arrest on charges of accessory to bullying.


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