Stinko De Mayo! Local Woman's Refrigerator Breaks
On the 161st anniversary of Mexico's defeat of the Second French Empire in 1862, a vengeful sabotage took place right in the heart of the Yucatán.
Spoiled sprouts, rotten radishes, pestilent potatoes, gross greens, bubbly beef, and disgusting dairy were all among the casualties in this condenser-cooling kerfuffle.
"I had to eat six jars of mayonnaise in one day so it didn't spoil. Do I look like the kind of person who can do that?" asked Maria, a woman who definitely looks like she can do that.
There was a Battle of Puebla in her puebla, as she smacked the fridge with a rodillo in a fit of rage.
"Everyone's out there celebrating, but the war never ended for me. I am a mild-mannered Mexican woman wrestling against the French doors to polish off 12 lbs. of ground beef before E-Day* while all of my 'amigas' are wearing sombreros at cantinas drinking margaritas. Does that sound like independence to you?"
Maria contacted General Ignacio Zaragoza for reinforcements, but he left her grupa on read. She then made some harmful and ignorant comments about our parent company Frigidaire.
In the appliance Armageddon aftermath, Maria was relieved to have only lost raw ingredients because her prepared dishes were spicy enough to kill off any bacteria battalions, mold mortars, and parasitic paramilitary personnel.
When asked for comment, the French replied, "Baguette baguette hon-hon-hon I like wieners."
Our thoughts and prayers go out to Maria, and while she appreciates any heavenly help, she was last quoted as saying, "We can't let God do all the work," while looking at a floorplan of Frigidaire's corporate office.