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The Mean Bean Enquirer is Under Attack

A coterie of some of the most heinous personalities on the internet (and Jim Davis) came together to release a nasty hit piece on the Mean Bean Enquirer earlier this evening.

The video is as follows:

And was accompanied by this copy:

The Mean Bean Enquirer has finally been EXPOSED. Common Sense, Mein Kampf, The Communist Manifest, The 95 Theses, The Bible, Eragon… Throughout our species’ history, we’ve seen a handful of texts with powerful rhetoric and a call for action which, for better or for worse, started a fire in the loins of Americans and changed the course of history. Well, this is another of those texts, although we’ve transcribed it over to film for your Millennial/Zoomer attention spans. Take heed, for the Mean Bean Enquirer is DANGEROUS, and MUST BE STOPPED! If you agree, share! If you disagree, share and say that you disagree! If you’re apathetic, share with a “Meh” emoji and a shrug and get back to your navel-gazing degenerate hedonistic smut you were getting up to beforehand. I bid you adieu, and my God bless your soul, Man or Woman reading this. We’re going to need all the God-blessings we can get in this imminent battle for the souls of our people in opposition to the evils of the Mean Bean Enquirer. TAKE THEM DOWN @

We at the Mean Bean Enquirer will not stand for the comment that was made about our supposed “6-pack abs.” We have evolved well beyond that to 8-pack abs, and they didn’t even mention our shapely tucuses!

When will the lies end?

If you care about us and wish to shield us from negative opinions about our right to be rambunctious anuses, please defend our honour online or send us 15 Edible Arrangement gift baskets for moral support.

We’re getting together our team of lawyer to strike back with a Vengeance!! Until then… do not go still into that dark night.


Got a problem? Think we aren’t a REAL news site like the “National Enquirer,” which STOLE our name? Think we’re just some satire/comedy writers from Charlotte, NC making some JOKE of a site like a lesser-known The Onion, Clickhole, or AboveAverage? Think we don’t FACT CHECK?? Well, you thought wrong.

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