May 28th is National Hamburger Day and some restaurants decided to celebrate by giving you nothing. Not even 25¢ off.
Just an email in your inbox about all the free hamburgers you won't be getting today.
Even Papa John's and Del Taco are doing something to celebrate today, for Cripessake.
So why aren't entities that actually sell hamburgers doing the same?
We take our responsibility to blacklist and tear down these vile institutions very seriously.
Here are the restaurants who AREN'T giving you a free hamburger:
Five Guys (has a sweepstakes contest AKA 99.99% nothing)
Hardee's
Chili's
Metro Diner (gave a new menu... of FULL-PRICE BURGERS!!)
Pinky's Westside Grill
Bad Daddy's Burger Bar
Chicken Salad Chick
"Struggling" "Local" "Small Businesses"
Sushi Star
Valerie's Vegetarian Venue
The list goes on.
Misdirects
Chili's customers are accustomed to walking out with 3 appetizers, an entrée, and a share in the restaurant for $6. But today, on the Holiest of Hamburger Days, their only offering is $10 off... OF A $50 GIFT CARD!
I bet the gift card doesn't even have a picture of a hamburger on it.
Hamburger Facts
The World's Largest Hamburger
The world’s largest hamburger, which was prepared in Carlton, Minnesota on September 2, 2012, weighed in at 2,014 pounds, but not even 1 lb. of that was spared to provide a couple of Hamburger Lovers with a free slider today.
So they can make a novelty 2,000 lb hamburger, but they can't give you a BOGO 50% off voucher.
These hamburger chefs are making a mockery of you.
Annual American Hamburger Consumption
A typical American horks down approximately 30 pounds of hamburgers a year. But how many of those came with a discount? Experts still speculate. But based on the way restaurants like Bert's Bougie Burgers handled National Hamburger Day today, probably not even one.
In Conclusion
On this one day celebrating our freedom to eat juicy beef stacked with cheese, lettuce, and tomato, some entities decided that, rather than open an email with a code for a half-price hamburger, Americans would prefer to be WISHED a happy hamburger day and spend $300 to eat a sandwich.