Gruesome: July 4th BBQ Explosion; Baked Beans Suspect
In an incident that can only be described as "yucky," a July 4th barbecue descended into chaos after 150g of fiber were consumed in one sitt
top of page
Breaking News, Broken News, and Perfectly Fine News
Search
- Jul 4, 2022
- 3 min
Halt Your 4th of July Fireworks Immediately: My Dog is Going to BARK!
STOP with these acts of TERRORISM now!!! Try these Fireworks alternatives.
- Jun 16, 2022
- 2 min
Woah! There's a Guy Dressed as a Giant, Snarling Bear at this Party! Wait...
This party is AWESOME! There is one thing that's a bit odd, however. Some guy dressed up as a large animal of some sort.
- Jul 14, 2021
- 1 min
Entrepreneur’s Success Story Goes Viral on LinkedIn
[Transcribed from LinkedIn] I didn't come from money. I came from a small pickle factory in southern Ohio. For 6 years, all I had to eat...
- Jul 4, 2021
- 2 min
It's Really Hot Outside; Let's Move Independence Day to the Fall
It's hot enough to warm an egg. It's hot enough to melt ice! It's so hot, I'm sweating, for crying ousteth loudeth! We hold these truth...
- May 28, 2021
- 2 min
Company Dares to Send National Hamburger Day Email Without Coupon
May 28th is National Hamburger Day and some restaurants decided to celebrate by giving you nothing. Not even 25¢ off. Just an email in...
- Mar 26, 2021
- 1 min
Man Overjoyed to Find Shrimp HEADS in Cinnamon Toast Crunch 🍤
Lifelong Honey-Flavored Oat Circles eater Cecil Clyde was shocked and delighted to find shrimp heads in his first ever box of Cinnamon...
- Mar 17, 2021
- 3 min
3 SHAMs who ROCK! ☘
'Tis the season to cause capillary contusions to all your colourblind "friends" whose evil caretakers told them they were already...
- Mar 16, 2021
- 1 min
Celebrate St. Patrick's Day with this Classic Irish Recipe!
Before we get into this St. Patrick's Day recipe, we have a long-winded story full of keywords and ads that will fill you to the brim...
- Mar 7, 2021
- 1 min
Senate Offers Choice of Lump Sum Stimulus or $10 Annuity for the Next 140 Years
The Lump Sum is only payable in Dave & Buster’s tokens. Think of what you can do with an extra TEN DOLLARS each year. Well, actually,...
- Feb 21, 2021
- 2 min
Crap! Did I Miss Tardi Gras?
Sorry, cringe IFLScience Atheists, this isn’t about tardigrades, this is about Tardi Gras, the celebration for whimsical souls such as...
- Feb 16, 2021
- 1 min
Farti Gras Slowly Approaching in Large, Green Cloud
NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA — You’ve heard of Mardis Gras, and you’ve heard of Cardi Gras, but have you heard of Farti Gras? Not all of them...
- Feb 16, 2021
- 1 min
This Cardi Gras, Everyone’s Blacking Out! Okuuurr!!
NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA — It’s time for some Wet Ass Phenobarbital! Celebrate your holiday to the max with skimpy costumes, colorful...
- Feb 6, 2021
- 2 min
REPORT: Economic Downturn Forcing Zoomers to Eat Store-Brand Laundry Pods
In a turn of events, Teens are finding themselves stuck in a gnarly financial position, and they’re being forced to cut back. Like most...
- Dec 13, 2020
- 2 min
COVID-Plagued Denver Broncos Announce Next QB: You
After Denver’s first, second, third, and fourth quarterbacks all went down with the Wuhan Coof, and the Raiders already drafted Air Bud,...
- Dec 4, 2020
- 2 min
Hunger down in Africa, Moms with picky kids FURIOUS!
As the 21st century progresses, and more efficient farming practices and supply chains and distribution networks are implemented, global...
- Nov 19, 2020
- 5 min
Throw All Your Turduckens Out NOW!!!
Local Chinese Scientist w/o Criminal Record Invents New Edible Bird Hybrids for Cheaper than Brand A. Sponsored Op-Ed by Devon Mason...
- Nov 13, 2020
- 4 min
Top Ten Pilgrims I Can Beat in a Fight (And One I Can’t!)
In this time of reflection and gratitude, it’s important to take the chance to contemplate the important questions in life. Why did Club...
- Nov 6, 2020
- 2 min
We Usually Avoid Politics, But…
We cannot fight this any longer. Mean Bean Enquirer avoids political stories, so in other news there’s… nothing. No Jesuses on toast....
- Oct 30, 2020
- 1 min
Evil Clown Spotted in the Woods, Terrorizing People By Breathing in Public
A PATCH OF WOODS NEAR YOU - The CDC (Catch Dem Clowns) has announced a national crisis in your area. There’s a “killer clown” just...
Got a problem? Think we aren’t a REAL news site like the “National Enquirer,” which STOLE our name? Think we’re just some satire/comedy writers from Charlotte, NC making some JOKE of a site like a lesser-known The Onion, Clickhole, or AboveAverage? Think we don’t FACT CHECK?? Well, you thought wrong.
Send leads to enquirer@meanbeancomedy.com.
bottom of page