OceanGate Pivots Marketing to Assisted Suicide
“Now people will think it’s a good thing,” OceanGate marketing lead Helen Long, a force behind Canada's MAID program, explained.
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- May 29
In Memoriam: What Neville Longbottom's Forgotten
It's been 32 years, and he still hasn't remembered what he's forgotten.
- May 9
Actress Requests No Retouching of Bat in the Cave
"This is the real me," she said. "Bats in the cave are natural and we shouldn't be ashamed of them."
- May 5
Stinko De Mayo! Local Woman's Refrigerator Breaks
On the 161st anniversary of Mexico's defeat of the French in 1862, a vengeful sabotage took place right in the heart of the Yucatán.
- May 4
Due to Unfortunate Typo, Pollen Farrell Wins Most Hated Celebrity
Thank you, Nasonext! In an unfortunate blunder, once-beloved Irish actor Colin Farrell's nomination for best celebrity was submitted as "Pol
- Apr 22
If Inflation Is Real, Why Aren't My Nudes Selling for More?
I've been bending over backwards (literally) trying to get some high-quality tasteful smut out on this wonderful gift from Al Gore, and...
- Apr 6
Actor on Your Friends List Stars in 3-Second Clip on HBO
After 8 long years in the industry, thousands of dollars in acting courses and self-taping materials, and 78 rejections from the NC...
- Mar 26
The Whale's Brendan Fraser Wins Oscar for Portrayal of Your Mom
He captured her size, but not her shrill. MORE MEAN BEAN ENQUIRER ARTICLES > MEAN BEAN STRIPPED COMICS > I CAN'T READ. SHOW ME VIDEOS >
- Jul 4, 2022
Gruesome: July 4th BBQ Explosion; Baked Beans Suspect
In an incident that can only be described as "yucky," a July 4th barbecue descended into chaos after 150g of fiber were consumed in one sitt
- Jul 4, 2022
Halt Your 4th of July Fireworks Immediately: My Dog is Going to BARK!
STOP with these acts of TERRORISM now!!! Try these Fireworks alternatives.
- Jun 16, 2022
Woah! There's a Guy Dressed as a Giant, Snarling Bear at this Party! Wait...
This party is AWESOME! There is one thing that's a bit odd, however. Some guy dressed up as a large animal of some sort.
- Jul 14, 2021
Entrepreneur’s Success Story Goes Viral on LinkedIn
[Transcribed from LinkedIn] I didn't come from money. I came from a small pickle factory in southern Ohio. For 6 years, all I had to eat...
- Jul 4, 2021
It's Really Hot Outside; Let's Move Independence Day to the Fall
It's hot enough to warm an egg. It's hot enough to melt ice! It's so hot, I'm sweating, for crying ousteth loudeth! We hold these truth...
- May 28, 2021
Company Dares to Send National Hamburger Day Email Without Coupon
May 28th is National Hamburger Day and some restaurants decided to celebrate by giving you nothing. Not even 25¢ off. Just an email in...
- Mar 26, 2021
Man Overjoyed to Find Shrimp HEADS in Cinnamon Toast Crunch 🍤
Lifelong Honey-Flavored Oat Circles eater Cecil Clyde was shocked and delighted to find shrimp heads in his first ever box of Cinnamon...
- Mar 17, 2021
3 SHAMs who ROCK! ☘
'Tis the season to cause capillary contusions to all your colourblind "friends" whose evil caretakers told them they were already...
- Mar 16, 2021
Celebrate St. Patrick's Day with this Classic Irish Recipe!
Before we get into this St. Patrick's Day recipe, we have a long-winded story full of keywords and ads that will fill you to the brim...
- Mar 7, 2021
Senate Offers Choice of Lump Sum Stimulus or $10 Annuity for the Next 140 Years
The Lump Sum is only payable in Dave & Buster’s tokens. Think of what you can do with an extra TEN DOLLARS each year. Well, actually,...
- Feb 21, 2021
Crap! Did I Miss Tardi Gras?
Sorry, cringe IFLScience Atheists, this isn’t about tardigrades, this is about Tardi Gras, the celebration for whimsical souls such as...
- Feb 16, 2021
Farti Gras Slowly Approaching in Large, Green Cloud
NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA — You’ve heard of Mardis Gras, and you’ve heard of Cardi Gras, but have you heard of Farti Gras? Not all of them...
Got a problem? Think we aren’t a REAL news site like the “National Enquirer,” which STOLE our name? Think we’re just some satire/comedy writers from Greensboro, NC making some JOKE of a site like a lesser-known The Onion, Clickhole, or AboveAverage? Think we don’t FACT CHECK?? Well, you thought wrong.
Send leads to enquirer@meanbeancomedy.com.
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